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Calico Adoption Play

The Friday before Christmas, I took the girls to visit my Nana Brown.  We had our little Christmas celebration with her.  She got to open the gifts that the girls had made for her and they got to open her gifts as well so that she could enjoy them.  Elspeth received a Christmas Calico Critter set.  It had a Santa dog, some gifts and two small baby/toddler animals.  Now for her birthday, Elspeth had received a family of pandas.

Okay, now that the scene has been set I can relate how the adoption theme was played out.

Upon returning home Katrine placed one of the new critters on the kitchen table and announced that he was a toddler who lived in Africa.  Then she placed the other critter on the kitchen counter and announced that she was a baby who lived in China.  Then she gathered up all of the panda family and began her diaglogue….

“Where are we going on this plane?”

“Don’t you remember?  We are traveling to Africa to adopt your new brother and then to China for your sister.”

“Oh.  Cool.  Will we be home in time for Christmas?”

“Of course, and it will be so much fun having new brothers and sisters to play with.”

“Plus, Santa Critter will bring us more toys!”

The critter plane (played by Katrine) arrived at the kitchen table and the pandas were unceremoniously dumped onto the table top before being lined up in a row to meet their new family member.  Now that is not at all intimidating poor guy.  Toddler deer reacted by silently staring at the 6 pandas who in turn were staring at him.  Then the Mama panda went over and scooped him up just in time to as he started to cry.   After some bonding and hugs the whole family were loaded back onto the Katrine plane to be flown to China for there second adoption. (Seems that there is much less red tape invovled in adoptions in Calico Critter land)

“Okay, here we are in China.”

“Is this baby going to cry or do nothing?”

“I hope that the new baby doesn’t smell.”

“Well, I hope that she can play with me.”

“I am just glad that it is not another brother.  We have enough boys in our family.”

“Hey!”

“Stop fighting.  Here she comes.  Can you see her?”

The baby bunny was already bawling and mama panda began to sooth her right away.  Once again there was a bit of bonding time before they were herded back onto the plane to head for home.

We never got to see how the family’s first week at home unfolded as dinner was ready and the next time we played the previous theme was forgotten in favour of Christmas and rearranging furniture.  Made me smile though.  Never saw the arrival of new toys playing out quite that way.  Kids are simply full of surprises.

 

Concussion update

Okay, we went to see the neurologist last week and received some positive news.  He gave clearance for Katrine to resume skating and her full school schedule as long as she continues to besymptom free.  At the same time he had us do some blood work in case her fatigue was the result of something else.  So it briefly felt like we had returned to some sense of normal.

 

On Sunday afternoon I took thegirls skating.  Nothing new, done it many a time and it should have been plain old fun, right?  Nope.  A kid fell took me out and I smacked the back of my head on the ice really nicely.  For the past few days I have been nursing a mild concussion and a case ofwhiplash.  Just as progress was being made on feeling better ( right now I am typing while I wait for my last Advil of the day to kick in) a blood vessel in my left eye popped so I have a red eye.  Apparently that can take up to two weeks to clear so it looks like I may have some actual red eye in this year’s birthday photos.

That is about it.  Happy new year to everyofeeling soon I will postphotos of my mason jar triffle.  They worked much better than the Christmas cupcakes.

Some thoughts on the Great Leap Forward, Cultural Revolution & Adoption

In August a favourite professor, and friend, passed away. His memorial service was held on my old university campus. The service was wonderful and a great testament to his impact as both a educator and as a friend. It also brought back many memories of my time at university studying East Asian Studies. Little did I realize back then how connected my studies of Asian history, culture and language would be to my life as a parent.

 

The service made me think about my studies and got me pulling old history books off of the book shelf to re-read. My favourites were then, and remain, personal narratives because they bring that human aspect to historical fact. What was it like to live at that time? How did it feel? What did it do to interpersonal relationships and families? Due to the nature of this form of text, most of the texts which I own of this style deal with early Chinese Canadian families on the west coast during the time of exclusion or mainland Chinese nationals during the Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution.

 

Re-reading these texts as a parent to two girls born in China has given me pause. The stories have taken on a much more personal feel. Now my questions and reflections are no longer about random strangers; the authors of the books who have graciously shared their personal histories. Instead, they are about this group of people whose faces I see reflected in my own children.

 

My daughter’s birth parents birth likely coincided with the end of the Cultural Revolution (1966 – 1976). That means that their parents grew up during the Great Leap Forward and resulting famines (1958 – 1961). I am basing these assumptions on the fact that my own parents were born after World War II and Glenn and I in the 1970s. I could be off by a few years but should be reasonably close for the sake of comparison.

 

Reading about the shortage of food resulting from top down decisions imposed on the general population, such as workers being diverted from the fields to collect and melt steel to fuel economic growth or being told what to plant and when by officials who knew nothing of farming, hurt. Guangxi, Katrine’s birth province, has a mainly agricultural economic base. The famines in her province were widespread and well documented. Think of the vast numbers of deaths which occurred while her birth grandparents were growing up. How many of them watched family members starve? How many of them knew hunger pains themselves? Or were faced with tough choices or inhuman circumstances? How did this shape their characters and choices?

 

The Cultural Revolution may not have meant mass starvation across the countryside, but it did affect life in both urban and rural centres. Chairman Mao’s little red book became the soul acceptable school text during this period. Cultural relics were destroyed as being anti-revolutionary. The struggle sessions, beatings, fear, persecutions, murders. They help to explain how such things could come to pass – ideological beliefs, self-preservation, human nature. They explain the importance of class background to social standing and security, while also helping to show how transient this too could be. For instance, a Party member would be considered to have a Red background and be a true revolutionary interested in supporting growth for China. However, if said member’s father was a store owner or landowner they would no longer have a spotless background. Instead they could be considered Grey or Black. One’s safety depended on the actions of their immediate and extended family members actions as well as their own.

 

Had I been born in China, I would have been born two years before the end of the Cultural Revolution. I would likely have been from a Red family given that I come from a blue collar background. My parents would likely have been involved in struggle sessions where co-workers, neighbours or friends were forced to confess their bourgeois tendencies and counter revolutionary ideas and practices. What would it have done to them to witness how the tides change? To see how the net could widen to encompass them should they fail to be active enough in such sessions. No one got to sit out the Cultural Revolution, it simply happened and if you were not careful it could engulf you and those you cared about.

 

One day my daughters will likely read these books, or similar ones. What will they think? Will they question as I do, the role that this era in history played in shaping the choices of their birth families? Will they see the injustices and suffering as a uniquely Chinese phenomenon or will they be able to reflect on the injustices and suffering in Canadian history and draw some parallels? Me? Right now, I am going to continue to read and question. Perhaps I will turn to some of my old history texts to acquire a perspective of any important social and economic advances during this time. On the other hand, I may simply continue to wonder how these phases of history contributed to the arrival of my daughters in our arms.

Elspeth update

Well, it is official.  Our Elspeth is both making remarkable gains and borderline delayed.  Sigh.  I always applauded the dedication of parents who worked to help their children address any delays.  It is one of the first things that I thanked them for in Kindergarten interviews.  Katrine’s Kindergarten years in school and organized daycare showed me first hand how aggravating it can be to advocate for a child that an instructor just doesn’t get because they are not within the mold.  I also got to see first hand how it feels to know that your child is not being programmed for appropriately for a number of potential reasons such as lack of resources, time or just not getting that she is playing you.  Katrine was never delayed.  Elspeth is giving me alot of different insights which I hope will help when I return to work to make me a more compassionate teacher when dealing with parents.  We knew going in to her adoption that she would have delays just not what they were.  Once again we were blessed, she will be fine with time.   That said, this journey is giving me a whole new appreciation for those of you coping with language delayed children.

The way that we play with her is completely different than Katrine at this age.   Most every activity is structured so that she is working on skill X or Y.  For instance, giving her one piece for Mr Potatoe Head and naming it, then having her repeat the name before inserting the piece.  Or, doing a puzzle together where she has to ask for every single piece, or repeat the name of the photo, before getting to do the fun part of actually putting it together.  Have you tried talking in two and three word sentences for a whole day and also doing it almost non-stop?  “Yes.  Plane go.  Plane go sky. Bye plane.  Yes, puppy.  Puppy brown.  Puppy small.  Puppy walk.”  On and on.  Now do that seven days a week.  Thank goodness there is Katrine to break up the insanity of it with her arrival home.  Then I get to talk in a combination of simple sentences and French.  Sigh.  Don’t get me wrong.  Knew what we were getting into.  Just didn’t realise how draining it is to try and think in such simplified speech for such an extended period of time.  To those of you who do this every day, well done.  I finally get it.  The next time I teach one of your children and get frustrated by the fact that they are still working on basic grammar structures, I will pause and remember all of the work that you have done to get them to this point and look for a fresh approach.

Isn’t it amazing what we can learn from our kids?

 

 

Skinny Pants

Usually I use this blog to give you all updates about how the kids are doing with the occasional news about the rest of us.  Here is the traditional portion of the update:  Katrine’s mini solo for the competition in two weeks is looking pretty good…if she could just figure out what to do with her hands on her one foot spin it would be looking great.  Elspeth has 51 words and is now able to walk down the stairs unaided.  Glenn still enjoys football and is going to see Penn and Teller tomorrow.  I am already counting down the days until I can put my Christmas decorations up.  Okay, now that is done and I won’t feel guilty about the rest of the post.

Help!  Elspeth is doing great growing, gaining weight and there in lies the problem.  She has grown enough that the size 12 to 18 month pants are too short.  Let her wear 18 to 24 month ones then.  What’s the problem?  She isn’t fat enough.  As you can see in the photos, our wee one has put on weight since we killed off the parasite.  She might even be in the 2.8th percentile now.  I mean, that is up from like the 0.5th percentile so we are happy.  At the same time, she is in the 2.8th percentile meaning that she is a stick.  A cute, huggable stick who now has a bit of pudge on her frame but for the purpose of buying clothes – a stick.

This morning: nope, too wide.  Nope, too wide.  Nope, too wide.  Hey! A friend of mine suggested using a diaper pin the take in the material.  Let’s give it a try.  So taking a pair of leggings in goes the pin until the equivalent of one whole leg has been gathered at the back…oh well, on they go and off we went to the mall.  Now I should explain that there are alot of dresses hanging in little miss’ closet and she is still super cranky in a dress (unless being bribed with presents and candy ala birthday time).  They get in her way on ride on toys. Let in the wind in the stroller.  They mean she has to wear her super cute fleece suit in the morning.  None of these are big selling points for dresses and I am not feeling up to re-altering all of the pants that were originally altered for Katrine so off we went shopping.

One store had toddler pants with adjustable waists.  The ones available for this season were selling for $45.00 a pair.  Yep, that is more than most of my pants cost and these are pants that will be grown out of quickly.  That goodness I managed to find two pairs on the clearance rake at $15.oo each.  They may not be this season’s style but she’s two.  Seriously though, Elspeth is going to need to start liking dresses or I am going to have to do a lot more shopping (ugh).  Maybe we can just fatten her up on all of the Halloween candy so that her clothes fit.  Sigh.

A developmental screening

First the good news, Elspeth is parasite free.  We were successful in killing off all of her wee intestinal parasites.  Now she is free to begin growing.  I keep telling her that getting bigger feet is a priority so that we can go skating together when her sister is at school.  It is not working yet but I am keeping my fingers crossed.  We had Katrine out on bobskates when she was two and now, as you know, we spend a lot of the winter outside at our local skate trail.  It would make me sad if we had to forgo that this winter so I hope for larger feet.  I know it’s crazy with all of the time that we are already spending at the rink each week but it’s relaxing and fun.

Yesterday was Elspeth’s initial intake assessment by York Region’s Early Intervention services.  The outcome is what we had hoped for – she is being picked up which means that she will get a proper developmental assessment as well as any necessary services.  For us as parents, it will provide us with a professional(s) who will give us direction.  I mean, I never thought of using Mr Potatoe-Head to teach body parts.  Simple, yes.  Effectively, I’ll let you know.

The assessment was actually a lot of fun for Elspeth.  She basically got to play with toys for an hour.  Of course she gravitated towards the play kitchen and served the assessor and myself “food” but she also tried ever task she was presented with.  Why is that surprising?  Well, she found chalk in her explorations of the room, picked it up, brought it over and used it without complaining about getting her hands dirty!!!!!   That only took three weeks of hard work but it was obviously worth it.  She also independently stacked blocks the first time she was asked.  She made a tower 4 blocks high and didn’t smash it after the first two blocks.  I have been working on that skill since we got home.  The results basically said that she has significant delays in the area of speech (not surprising and the referral to Speech & Language is already in), was average in social skills and has emerging skills in the areas of problem solving and fine motor skills.  The only finding that we sort of disagree with is the one that said she has average gross motor skills.  Yes, she can push a scooter slowly and climb into a stroller but she has no stamina, no real strength, and has exceptionally weak stomach muscles.  Oh well, the next assessment should show which one of us is right in this area.

To make yesterday even better, when we were at Katrine’s skating Elspeth actually willingly played with the playdough!! She touched it, squished it and rolled it AND she again did not complain about dirty hands.  Could we be making some real progress?  I must say that I think so.

Katrine?  Well, she is now skating in the Novice or Starskate level at our club.  To those of us use to existing in the real, non-figure skating world that simply means that she is now eligible to do skating exams as well as a short, simple program or solo during a competition.  Now, whether or not she gets a solo will depend on if she can learn to move across the whole ice.  It is interesting to watch her working on what she needs to do for her first skating exam called the Dutch Waltz.  This waltz is suppose to be skated on the whole ice surface.  Here she is, wee 7 year old girl trying to cover the whole ice.  If she skates it on half the ice, she looks pretty good but the whole ice and she starts to get wobbly.  She has only been back at it for two weeks so it is completely okay but also really cute.

She is also continuing with dance classes.  She is working on learning a new dance called the Highland Reel.  The steps are not so hard but the pattern that it is danced in is because it is a dance that involves four dancers dancing in a figure 8 pattern.  Plus, each dancer can begin in one of 4 spots.  So, this one dance is sort of like four different dances rolled into one.  If a dancer doesn’t know where to stop it can spell disaster for the other three girls(or boys but usually girls).  This is not a problem with the older dancers because we will just dance on top of you if you end up in our spot but it can bring even the best young dancers to tears.  She is excited about it which is great.

Tomorrow is the first of the birthday celebrations for Elspeth’s second.  No big party but a series of smaller ones instead.  Tomlinson birthday-Thanksgiving is tomorrow complete with one of Glenn’s delicious turkeys and a “birthday” pumpkin pie.  Then on Monday, he is cooking a second turkey for the Attwood birthday-Thanksgiving where she will get a nice gluteny cake made by her Auntie Heather.  Elspeth is getting much more comfortable with family so this weekend should actually be fun.  I can’t wait to see how she reacts to blowing out candles, being sung to and given small piles of gifts.  Will she get overwhelmed or dive right in?  We may have missed her first birthday but we are going to have that much extra fun celebrating her second!

Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating!

A day in Shangrao

I am not going to go into particulars about our visit but it was well worth the long drive. It was also exceptionally hard on Katrine seeing not only another orphanage but one that was decidedly different from her own. That is why tomorrow will be all about shopping and having fun. She is super excited that we plan to go and see the musical fountains in August 1st square. I mean, you can’t come to the province where the Long March began and communism was born without seeing a communist landmark now can you?

Okay, I can tell you that the scenery between Nanchang and Shangrao is beautiful. Fields of rice, vegetables and even fresh water pearl farms. Rolling hills and some mountains in the distance. Both deciduous and confierous trees which is not what you would expect of a province with the 4th hottest city in all of China now is it? I will let Glenn tell you the stories about driving because he is much better at it. However, I can tell you that we learned that they do have rest stops on highways in China. They come complete with gas stations, restaurants, little stores and squat toilets. I must say, I am getting much better at them on this visit. I am also learning not to think about what my shoes might be stepping in when there is fluid surrounding the squat. It is just easier to think that some nice worker has just finished cleaning that stall.

Our guide, Tina, arranged for a tailor to visit our rooms tonight and we ordered a set of clothes for our arrival in Canada and Elspeth’s christening. What is really cool is that they will be made to fit and are still pretty cheap. Does that mean that they will be of superior quality? Well, one can hope. I got a red dress, Glenn a red tie and then two red dresses for the girls for the christening. Won’t we look smart? I won’t tell you about their home coming outfits because Katrine would be angry that I ruined the surprise. She was given the privilege of chosing the material for each item and it helped to end the day on a high note for her. The tailor was really sweet. She brought a small gift form each of the girls; a necklace with a squeeky sack on the bottom. Supposedly there is some symbolism attached to the item’s decorations (great mom that I am I can’t tell you what it is). I do know that it is meant to bring good luck.

The curse is lifted!

This morning Glenn took the forms to Purolateur and couriered them off to our agency.

Sigh!  The curse has been lifted.  Yippee!

Once again I have to say that our social worker is the one who broke the curse.

Now we can just enjoy our girls.

The Curse of the Forms

Part one of the curse drew to a close just before midnight tonight.  There is a slight repreave before the beast rears its ugly head again tomorrow night.  Beast you ask.  Yes, that hideous, cramp causing, sore eye causing, headache inducing monster known as adoption paperwork.  The curse will be lifted after we complete our visit with our fabulous social worker tomorrow night (she really is amazing, a godsent) and Glenn sends everything off in the courier on Friday.  Then we wait and go back to playing with toys and looking at clothes.  Until then.

More information

Got the UPS information package today so here are a few more details about our cutie based on an assessment in March of this year.  She is healthy and already has 8 teeth.  She is small – only 72 cm tall weighing in at 18 pounds 7 ounces.  She appears to be on a diet similar to the one I will be on in China – rice, rice, rice, congee with a little fish or meat.  No wonder she is so tiny.

Developmentally she does not appear to be where Katrine was at the same age which is not surprising.  She has at least 10 words, crawls, stands, walks holding a hand, tears paper.  She can put things into and outof a cup and bang things together.  She does not yet stack blocks and it appears as if she has never seen a book or crayons.  That will change soon enough.

They also told us that she is very energetic and likes to be outdoors.  Plus she is extroverted.  Sound like another daughter?

It looks like we are going to be a family of early risers.  The orphange has the kids getting up at 6:00am and going to bed at 8:00pm with a 1 1/2 to 2 hour nap around lunch.  The nap in the middle of the day will be good once we get home because she will be awak for the arrival of Katrine’s bus from school.  I can’t imagine how she is not a total crank keeping those hours.  It must be the long nap.  I think that mommy will have to nap with her.

There you have it.  That is our Elspeth in a nutshell.